Etiquette 101: Family

Aylee commented with concerns over how to handle out of state/country family members.

I don’t have a lot of relatives here in the US, but I can’t invite all of them due to budget constraints.  I decided to invite only those that are very close to me. However, a lot of them (that I don’t plan to invite) have invited themselves. They’ve been waiting and asking when I’m getting married for a while. What is a good way to handle this?

If you are having a large wedding, and just don’t want them there: Telling family that they aren’t invited because of budget (especially if you are inviting a lot of friends) is hurtful.  I would invite them and cut out friends.  Trust me, I know of to many brides who have concentrated on friends rather than family.  The brides no longer speak to the friends and have had to work to repair the relationship with their families.

I’m assuming, however, that you are having an intimate wedding with only immediate family and close friends attending. My advice would be to tell them kindly that you are restricted because of budget and can’t afford to have a big wedding.  Be up front with them, or else this will turn into a big problem.  Honesty is very important in this type of situation.  Your parents should also help you explain the situation and try to minimize the drama.

I would also consider a casual party to celebrate your new marriage.  Give those who love you the chance to spend time with you and your new husband.  It doesn’t need to be extravagant, and they will greatly appreciate being included.